Finding Joy in the Car Seat
If you google “car seat,” you will have 2.8 million results pop up. When a baby is on the way, the car seat is usually the number one item on the list. I remember when I was picking out mine for my first child. I agonized over which one I should choose. I read the reviews, interviewed friends and family, and was most excited to unwrap it at the baby shower. When I tried it out for the first time, I discovered that it didn’t fit in my small European sedan. Because I had done all of the research and was confident in my choice, I actually traded in that car so that I could fit the perfect car seat with ease. The purpose of the car seat is to protect our precious babies as we transport them while they are in the car.
Do You Feel Like the Car Seat is a Fixture in Your Backseat?
What I have also realized is that the perfect car seat becomes a fixture in our backseat in the most profound way. Ask any parent who has one, two, or even three of them in the backseat and they will tell you about all of the goings on that happen in their backseat. The car seat is tethered to the seat tightly and becomes a good hiding place for cheerios, french fries, pacifiers, and (in my case with boys) toy cars. Or, ask a mom who can only have one passenger ride with her in the front seat, because her backseat is absolutely full of all the baby stuff. I remember having to ask my coworkers to drive to meetings because I could not fit anything or anyone in my back seat because of those huge car seats.
Car Seat Graduation
For years we drive around with those big, bulky, worn car seats that we forget about the days that we didn’t have them back there. The day finally arrives when the baby of the family graduates from the booster seat and is now old enough, tall enough, and heavy enough to go at it alone, with only the lap belt holding on to our precious cargo. I couldn’t wait for my preschoolers to “graduate” from the seats. I had grown to really dislike them taking over my car. I remember the day so vividly that I sold the multitude of booster seats at a garage sale; we seemed to have collected them back from all of the grandparents, as well as our own. We were no longer a car seat family; how exciting it was!
The Day I Realized I Was Not Defined by My Backseat
One day, I was dropping the boys off at their elementary school and as I turned my body around to kiss them goodbye and watched them get out of the car, an emotion struck me in a very unexpected way. There were no car seats; my backseat was empty! With my eyes filled with tears, I drove off and recalled all of the baby, toddler, and preschool moments that had taken place as my children sat securely in their harnessed seats. The naps, the claps, the dancing and even the cries of frustration that had taken place were now only in memory, mostly mine. It was bittersweet to think of that time; happy that we were now in a different season and enjoying it, but at the same time longing for a time when my boys needed me to help them in and out of the car, reaching back to hand them a pacifier, or looking in the rearview mirror just to get a glimpse of their sweet faces for a moment longer. I arrived at the office and had to get myself together with the help of tissue, powder, and lipstick while peering into my empty backseat.
My New Identity
My identity as a mother was characterized by the car seats in my backseat for so long and now that time was gone. My backset was empty. Would onlookers know that I was a mother? Would others know that at one time I was raising 2 babies at one time? How could anyone possibly know that my whole life revolved around the safety and security of two little people? They wouldn’t know, that before anything else, I was a mother.
The Car Seat Phase Ended Too Soon
What I have realized since the car seats have been removed is that so very quickly we begin to relinquish the obvious symbols of motherhood. All too quickly we lose the ability to protect our children at every turn. We wish away the present and look forward to the next phase, not fully appreciating the current season of our lives. Looking back, I wish I would have appreciate that season a little more, while car seats were still in my backseat. After all, now that it is over, I realize that it ended too soon.
I often remind my friends with younger children that one day you find yourself doing something and becoming so burdened by it (like buckling your child in their car seat). Then one day, you don’t do it anymore and you grow to miss it because it will never be again.
Children grow up quickly, so capture even the simplest of moments. You will always be a mother, but the phases of motherhood change rapidly. Find joy in the car seat…French fries and all.
