Becoming the Woman I was Destined to Be

I remember the first time I met my lifelong best friend while auditioning for our high school dance team.  We both knew instantly that we would be friends for a very long time.  Within a 25-year friendship we can recall all of our major milestones together; graduations, marriages, births (we were pregnant for our babies at the same time), illnesses, deaths, as well as all of the simple moments in between.  She has seen me at my worst and at my best.  Her family is my family and mine is hers.  You all have this friend…the one who knows you better than you know yourself.  The one who stores all of your secrets. The one you could never replace or live without.

Mother’s Day

So, you can imagine how I felt when I had to tell her that I was moving away; leaving behind the town that the two of us had grown up in, so that I could begin a new adventure.  This was the case on a particular Mother’s Day, when my phone rang.  She was calling me to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.  We don’t see each other as often as we would like but we remain close and bonded, so it was no surprise that she was calling me to express her well-wishes on the day that celebrates our precious motherhood bond.

I was 450 miles away from home that day looking at areas to relocate in Texas, and I had not yet told her what I was up to.  We were in fact contemplating a move and I needed this final weekend to solidify the details.

When the phone rang, I debated whether or not to answer it.  I had just arrived at this really cool outdoor venue for lunch and I was literally standing in a vineyard on a beautiful, sunny day.  I answered, and she said, “Happy Mother’s Day!  What are yall doing?”

In a split second I had to decide whether I was going to tell her exactly what I was doing, pass it off as merely a weekend getaway, or simply respond with a nonchalant, “nothing, what are you doing?”

I went with my gut and said, “Well, I have some big news.”

I dropped the bomb, right there over the phone, standing in a picturesque vineyard.  She was speechless.  And not like a little speechless, but like 2 minutes, which felt like an hour speechless!  I finally did break the silence by saying, “This is going to be really good for our family.”  She didn’t respond immediately, but after a long, uncomfortable silence, she said, “well, we are going to start vacationing wherever you are!” She then said, “I can’t say much right now, but I am not selfish when it comes to the people that I love, and I love you.  This is exciting, and I know it is the best thing for you.”

The Gift of Friendship

Selfless friendship is an amazing gift. These types of friendships are life giving.  My best friend spoke just a few words to me that day, but the words she shared will not soon be forgotten and have helped me to endure times of loneliness along the way.

She said to me, “I knew you would move someday. I’ve known since we were young that you would leave because you were always up for that.  You were always up for anything, always wanting to experience something new, and always willing to try.”

This comment has resonated in my mind since that day.  Here is the person who has known me for so long and has always known my deepest desires.  She has known me as a person up for change and never afraid to be different.  Little did she know how scared I really was inside when I broke the news to her.

Words of Affirmation

As she spoke those words to me, I literally didn’t recognize the person she was talking about.  Was she talking about me? Was she describing me as free, adventurous, give all you got, a “you only live once” kinda girl?  Here’s the thing, I didn’t even know this girl anymore.  But she did…she remembered me before life had gotten a hold of me; before I had been taken over by wifedom, motherhood, and a ladder climbing career.  Had I become that disconnected from the person she saw versus the person I saw looking back at me in my mirror?

Our conversation had me questioning the girl I used to be versus the woman I had become; somewhat unrecognizable really.  I was taunted by anxiety, uptightness, and lost in a cloud of a perfectionism.  I had reached the point where I was feeling underwhelmed with life and desperate for an opportunity to reconnect with my soul; to become the person I longed to be.

Had I been traveling down a path which had steered me away from who I was destined to be? A void had formed and had been replaced with perfectionism, over-ambition, accolade gathering, and material possessions.

The Best Mother’s Day Gift

That day, my best friend had given me the best Mother’s Day gift. She made me realize the freedom in letting go and rediscovering a life of adventure.  This was my time to set myself free and embrace uncertainty, to let go of the fear of making mistakes, and to allow a transformation of my spirit. Thank you, my dear friend, for reminding me of who I am and for allowing me to see the deep connection between who I’ve always been through your eye; a woman with hope, purpose, passion, and a sense of adventure.

Let People Remind You of Who You Are

As I move deeper in understanding myself and moving back toward my center, I have found an immense amount of contentment and joy.  Sometimes, we need to be reminded of who we are.  The people that we surround ourselves with can help to be our guides. Who are your guides?  Who are the people that can help bring you back to the person you were always meant to be?  Whoever they are, find them and let them help you rediscover you.